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So ... couple of weeks ago I was out at this bar all by myself, my friend had just called saying she had to cancel, that something had come up at work, I was furious, it was like the third time she canceled on me, so I just decided to go out by myself.
So, I’m at this bar and all these guys who see me alone just try to buy me drinks and use the cheapest lines to try and get me interested. I swear, it was like “Night of the Living Morons” in there. Back when I was still a teenager I thought that was sexy but, come on, how can you be 30 years old and still use pick up lines from the Internet at a bar? I think I’ve seen a “lamest pick up lines” top 10 on the Internet a couple of months ago and they were all in there... anyway, I’m getting off subject, this guy comes up to me, like the 8th or 9th guy to approach me and before he even opens his mouth to speak I go off like a time bomb: “I didn’t just fall from Heaven, you can’t have my phone number and we definitely HAVEN’T met in your dreams!”
Guess emotions do bottle up... at first he was speechless but a smile appeared on his face the next second as he started laughing: “You must really have a bad night, I didn’t think all straight guys are so cheesy in real life too.” Straight guys? “Excuse me? I asked him”. He smiled and said: “You got me all wrong. I’m gay. I’m here with my friend, I just wanted to ask you if the white VW outside is yours, I blocked it when I parked and I thought I saw you get out of it when I was pulling up.”
I think I actually died for a second. The sky almost literally fell over me. I mumbled a shaky yes and a few sorrys and thank yous as the guy returned to his table chuckling. I thought well, this is bad. I’m rejecting guys who don’t even wanna pick me up, gay guys. What’s gotten into me? Is it the fact that lately I’ve been working so hard that I haven’t even had time to think about having a relationship? Am I still mad at the fact that one of my best friends is working days and nights and doesn’t even bother to call me and when I do, she can’t make time to have a girls’ night out? Probably that and more.
Then I started thinking about this guy. I could see him at his table from where I was standing. Gay? Really? He did look incredibly hot, guess it’s true what they say all the good ones are either taken or gay. He was certainly better dressed than every other guy in the room, I’ll tell you that.
So I turned around, ordered another drink and started thinking about what’s really going on and why is it that all the guys who approach me, not just the ones using cheap pick up lines, feel either intimidated or threatened by me. Maybe I’m too pushy or maybe I just don’t tolerate stuff I don’t like too well. Whatever it was, I know I suddenly started feeling angry. Angry at myself, angry at my friends who are too busy with their jobs to care about me anymore and angry at every moron who just wants to pick me up and have sex with me as fast as he can so he has another story to tell his idiot friends the next day.
When I ordered my 8th drink I knew I was going home on foot or calling a cab but I didn’t care anymore. I didn’t care about anything. Then this thought popped into my head. Don’t ask me if it was the booze, the low blood sugar or what else, but I suddenly felt incredibly attracted to this guy across the room. Was it because he had just told me he’s gay or was it because I hadn’t had sex in almost 6 months, I couldn’t tell you, all I know was that I’m so determined to have him. Tonight… My rational self was outraged and trying to reason. Oh, come on, what are you gonna do? Convert him? But I could tell by the tone I wanted to approach the situation, very rationally that this battle was already lost.
I remember about this survey I saw in Cosmo saying no human being is 100% gay or 100% straight. Everybody gets mixed feelings at some point in their life. And they’re right, I’m sure. I mean, just because I’m straight doesn’t mean I haven’t experimented a few times. And it felt really nice actually. By this time I was so sure I could get this guy to have me, I wanted to follow him in the bathroom and have my way with him right there. I swear this is something I would never do, I’ve never even thought about this kind of stuff, but the next thing I know I was looking over my shoulder and going into the men’s room after him.
Good thing there was no one else in there or we would have been arrested for sure. He was shocked, for real this time when I threw myself at him but, strangely enough, he didn’t resist as hard as I thought he would. The sex was incredible, I remember saying to myself what the hell is this guy thinking? The man who’s with him could very well be his partner and he’s in the bathroom having sex with a strange woman? That seemed so wrong but, at the same time, it turned me on even more. The whole thing lasted less than 5 minutes I think, but I swear that, in my head, we were there for at least an hour. Right after we were done, he got a smirk on his face and said: “I don’t believe this” and I laughed and said ”I know, right?” and he goes “No I mean that this actually worked” and I was like “What do you mean?”. He goes “I played my cards right, haven’t I? I’m not really gay, you said you were sick of guys trying to pick you up so I went the other way. Literally…”
I was shocked. I had never been so manipulated in my life. I didn’t know whether to hit him over the head with something or take him home and go crazy all night. Talk about mixed feelings ... I asked him why would you say you’re gay? So he said: ”Well I actually blocked your car intentionally when I parked so I would have a reason to try and pick you up but when I saw how determined you were, I kinda panicked and blurred out the thing about me being gay. I don’t know where that came from”.
I had to admit it was incredibly spontaneous of him and it takes a guy who’s really secure about his sexuality to try and do something like that. And after all, I was the one who attacked him like a wild animal, wasn’t I? Anyway, we ended up dating, but that first encounter was so hot and shockingly unexpected that now it’s so boring I wanna blow my brains out. I might end up dumping this guy actually. Well, it is what it is, maybe I’ll call you again and tell you what happens.
So, I’m at this bar and all these guys who see me alone just try to buy me drinks and use the cheapest lines to try and get me interested. I swear, it was like “Night of the Living Morons” in there. Back when I was still a teenager I thought that was sexy but, come on, how can you be 30 years old and still use pick up lines from the Internet at a bar? I think I’ve seen a “lamest pick up lines” top 10 on the Internet a couple of months ago and they were all in there... anyway, I’m getting off subject, this guy comes up to me, like the 8th or 9th guy to approach me and before he even opens his mouth to speak I go off like a time bomb: “I didn’t just fall from Heaven, you can’t have my phone number and we definitely HAVEN’T met in your dreams!”
Guess emotions do bottle up... at first he was speechless but a smile appeared on his face the next second as he started laughing: “You must really have a bad night, I didn’t think all straight guys are so cheesy in real life too.” Straight guys? “Excuse me? I asked him”. He smiled and said: “You got me all wrong. I’m gay. I’m here with my friend, I just wanted to ask you if the white VW outside is yours, I blocked it when I parked and I thought I saw you get out of it when I was pulling up.”
I think I actually died for a second. The sky almost literally fell over me. I mumbled a shaky yes and a few sorrys and thank yous as the guy returned to his table chuckling. I thought well, this is bad. I’m rejecting guys who don’t even wanna pick me up, gay guys. What’s gotten into me? Is it the fact that lately I’ve been working so hard that I haven’t even had time to think about having a relationship? Am I still mad at the fact that one of my best friends is working days and nights and doesn’t even bother to call me and when I do, she can’t make time to have a girls’ night out? Probably that and more.
Then I started thinking about this guy. I could see him at his table from where I was standing. Gay? Really? He did look incredibly hot, guess it’s true what they say all the good ones are either taken or gay. He was certainly better dressed than every other guy in the room, I’ll tell you that.
So I turned around, ordered another drink and started thinking about what’s really going on and why is it that all the guys who approach me, not just the ones using cheap pick up lines, feel either intimidated or threatened by me. Maybe I’m too pushy or maybe I just don’t tolerate stuff I don’t like too well. Whatever it was, I know I suddenly started feeling angry. Angry at myself, angry at my friends who are too busy with their jobs to care about me anymore and angry at every moron who just wants to pick me up and have sex with me as fast as he can so he has another story to tell his idiot friends the next day.
When I ordered my 8th drink I knew I was going home on foot or calling a cab but I didn’t care anymore. I didn’t care about anything. Then this thought popped into my head. Don’t ask me if it was the booze, the low blood sugar or what else, but I suddenly felt incredibly attracted to this guy across the room. Was it because he had just told me he’s gay or was it because I hadn’t had sex in almost 6 months, I couldn’t tell you, all I know was that I’m so determined to have him. Tonight… My rational self was outraged and trying to reason. Oh, come on, what are you gonna do? Convert him? But I could tell by the tone I wanted to approach the situation, very rationally that this battle was already lost.
I remember about this survey I saw in Cosmo saying no human being is 100% gay or 100% straight. Everybody gets mixed feelings at some point in their life. And they’re right, I’m sure. I mean, just because I’m straight doesn’t mean I haven’t experimented a few times. And it felt really nice actually. By this time I was so sure I could get this guy to have me, I wanted to follow him in the bathroom and have my way with him right there. I swear this is something I would never do, I’ve never even thought about this kind of stuff, but the next thing I know I was looking over my shoulder and going into the men’s room after him.
Good thing there was no one else in there or we would have been arrested for sure. He was shocked, for real this time when I threw myself at him but, strangely enough, he didn’t resist as hard as I thought he would. The sex was incredible, I remember saying to myself what the hell is this guy thinking? The man who’s with him could very well be his partner and he’s in the bathroom having sex with a strange woman? That seemed so wrong but, at the same time, it turned me on even more. The whole thing lasted less than 5 minutes I think, but I swear that, in my head, we were there for at least an hour. Right after we were done, he got a smirk on his face and said: “I don’t believe this” and I laughed and said ”I know, right?” and he goes “No I mean that this actually worked” and I was like “What do you mean?”. He goes “I played my cards right, haven’t I? I’m not really gay, you said you were sick of guys trying to pick you up so I went the other way. Literally…”
I was shocked. I had never been so manipulated in my life. I didn’t know whether to hit him over the head with something or take him home and go crazy all night. Talk about mixed feelings ... I asked him why would you say you’re gay? So he said: ”Well I actually blocked your car intentionally when I parked so I would have a reason to try and pick you up but when I saw how determined you were, I kinda panicked and blurred out the thing about me being gay. I don’t know where that came from”.
I had to admit it was incredibly spontaneous of him and it takes a guy who’s really secure about his sexuality to try and do something like that. And after all, I was the one who attacked him like a wild animal, wasn’t I? Anyway, we ended up dating, but that first encounter was so hot and shockingly unexpected that now it’s so boring I wanna blow my brains out. I might end up dumping this guy actually. Well, it is what it is, maybe I’ll call you again and tell you what happens.
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